Blondie 'N' SC

A Comet~

Apparently, the shooting star I spoke of wasn't a shooting star at all.

Apparently, I didn't listen real well in the Astronomy class I took in college.

And Apparently, I should have known that this so called shooting star was really a "comet".

Uhm, Right.

I totally should have known that...thank you pool man for enlightening me.

I think for the sake of this post, and for my blog, because I really like the idea of a shooting star, I am sticking with it.

What I saw on Friday was indeed a shooting star.

{or maybe a UFO...idunnoknow}

The end.

Ah, just kidding!

Now that I am back and refueled and ready to go, I think I need to tell you what I learned on my break or mini hiatus if you will:

I learned that the smell of lingering eggs in the kitchen in the late morning makes me want to barf.

I learned that finding a $39.99 awesome chair at the Goodwill can for a second take my mind off the fact that a lingering migraine was bothering me for 7 days straight.

That finding a new paint color called "Crocodile smile" encouraged me to re-do my master bedroom, which led to the Master bathroom while the baby spent the weekend with grandma.

I can rock a paint brush in my jammies at 11:00 pm!

I learned that I need to write like I need to breath, it is who I am and how I express myself.

I learned that my best friend is "Finally" preggers after a year of trying....and that makes me concerned for her sanity!

{just kidding Sheri, you know I love you!}

That I might posses something called the "crazy gene", probably passed on from my grandma and then from my mom....we are all ok with it, but don't ask the pool man he might have another story. He did insist I get a check up from the neck up the other day!

I learned that life is bitter sweet, and every moment I have with my son makes it even sweeter, especially when he say's in his little baby voice, "oh shit" because daddy just blurted it out when he dropped a box of crackers on the floor!

I need music like I need water.

'Tis a shame I can't sing a lick.

I also learned that once trust is broken in a relationship, whether it be with your husband, with your friend or your family...it is hard to regain.

I also learned.....

THAT I MISSED ALL OF YOU IMMENSELY!!!

ahh, group hug!

Let's all sit and sing "kumbaya" together around the campfire...

Doesn't that feel good?

Now on with the show....

Spotlight please, taking stage right....

dun dun dun...

My new $39.99 chair scored from the Goodwill on a Tuesday night by the pool man who really didn't give a lick about the potential I saw in this ole chair....

 

 

He just wanted to dive into the bag of M & M's he scored from his mom's house....

whatever.

Now, she is off with her sister to the re-upholsterer to have a makeover, lucky girls.

I promise to show you their debut in a few weeks....

But, for now I need to feed my punk before he polishes off the bowl of popcorn I made while he watches Ice Age- Dawn of the Dinosaurs!

Chat soon....

Ahh it feel so good to be back!

Did I mention I still have paint in my hair from Saturday...

Probably not because that is kinda gross...and probably makes you think I have not showered...

But really, what is a little green paint between friends?

Muwahhh....

P.S. Disclaimer: The Crazy Gene has not been scientifically diagnosed by a professional, if you feel you might also have this Gene, please see a doctor....STAT!

And, let me know how the appointment goes....!

P.S.. I will be over here on Wednesday but you might want to wander over there right now, good things are happening!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Shooting Star~

As I was driving to work Friday morning, the air was cold, and fog was rolling in. I was zooming down the freeway with so many thoughts in my head I thought I might actually implode when all of a sudden this shooting star flew right across the sky. I wasn't looking high into the sky, I actually wasn't even looking, it caught my attention and I watched it fly from one point to another and disappear into the fog. Something happened to me at that moment, I can't explain it...but I felt like that shooting star. I felt that star was me, shining bright one moment, happy to be here, to be me, where I am....and the next, shooting across the sky ready to explode and disappear.

You see, I love this blog...I love my little space here, I love all of you, but at times I feel very disconnected. I feel like I don't fit in, I feel like a fish out of water that is floating looking for my home. I suppose you could say deep down this blog and I have a relationship. Through this blog I tell you who I am, I share my life, the good and the ugly. I am very honest on this blog, and i am very honest with you.  I have made some amazing friendships, reconnected with people from my past and am inspired daily by all of you.  But lately, I feel disconnected with the relationship I once had with my blog, with you. I struggle to post, I am timid when I write, I am afraid for once of being honest.. of being me.

Perhaps, I am just emotional this week, or perhaps it is time to step back and find my voice once again, I am not sure. I came here to lay it all out. To explain to you, that I think I need to take a break from this space, before I explode like a shooting star. I won't be gone forever...I promise, just for a wee bit to focus on me, my punk and the pool man.

You see when that star shot across the sky, at that moment i wanted to turn my car around, drive back home and gently pull my sleeping baby out of his bed and dress him warmly. I wanted to hold his hand, and drive him to a park where we could sit under a tree and watch the sky in hopes that maybe just maybe he would be able to witness what I did...only we would be together....alas I couldn't because life goes on and I kept driving to work with tears in my eyes.

But, I don't want to be that mom that misses too much and looks back and wonders where the time went. I want to be that mom, that puts my day aside to roll around in the grass with my kid, to throw him on my bike so we can go sit under a tree all day, I want to be that spontaneous mom that he remembers. I want to BE a mom.

 I also want to BE a wife. I want all of me to be there. I want to hold his hand when he least expects it and for him to always know he is loved.

Therefore, this relationship this journey with you and this blog is in no way over, it just needs to be re-aligned until I can find me again. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your friendship, for reading all my non-sense for the last year, for putting up with my LONG posts and for liking me despite my past, despite my ugliness, and despite my imperfections....that is truly what a friend is to me.

'Til we meet again, may the life you lead be the life you love!

 

P.S. The 1st song on my playlist explains the relationship the pool man I had in the very beginning...me, learning who i am and how to love again.

 

Foofing the Loft~

The other day I purchased a sweet little birdcage from Sara to go in my loft, and you know the saying "one thing leads to another" (is that really a saying?)...well that prompted some re-decorating or foofing in the loft if you will!

My favorite way to decorate on a budget, besides thrift stores and estate sales is to use what I already have.

By moving things around from one room to another, from one table to another, from left to right...ok, I think you are getting the idea! 

 

I have a slew of old books, which are one of my favorite accessories...besides diamonds...

Just kidding, I don't have those...but I do have me some old books!

And, bathing beauties sitting on an old shoe shine brush...odd I know!

The birds, well they don't like to be in their cage, so I let them hang out here...

They are fully aware of the "no pooping" on the carpet rule we have around this nest or back in the cage they go...

This old white suitcase used to be in the guest room, but I moved it to help prop up my new birdcage...

And, I am growing to like it here.

This antique table holds a vintage vanity tray I found at an estate sale for $8.00.

And, more books I made covers for out of some fabric I had sitting in my crafting tote.

I ripped the covers off some more old books I had, thanks to Jen for the idea and placed them on the vanity tray as well.

This little turquoise postal scale was suppose to go into one of my shoppes...

But, when I got it...inspected it and placed it on top of..... can you guess???

I'll give you three chances...

I'm waiting....

Yup, that's it, say it louder...

 Old books....

 I fell in love and it nows rests happily in my loft!

 Last but not least I placed this old folding ruler in the vintage wire basket I use to hold vintage sheet music on our desk...

At some point I hope to use some of the music to line the shelves of the partial hutch that sits above the vintage desk I scored off Craigslist!

But, ya know the saying "all good things come with time" (is that a saying?)....that is where I am with the sheet music!

And, have I complained lately about finding another chair for my farm table...

No, hmmm....thought I had, well don't even get me started.

Tried 5 more stores.

Still.no.luck.

NONE...

NADA...

Zilch!

The search continues, I won't rest until the table is complete.

Now if you will excuse me, I think I need to go foof another room while the pool man is snoring logs on the couch down stairs!

Ta Ta...

 

P.S. Did y'all know Jen was featured in Country Living Magazine?

I know Crazy, huh?

She's a star!! 

 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Worry Wart~

** Good Morning Girls~ This is a re-post from last January. I needed to remind myself of a few things this morning, and thought of this post...and after reading it, I felt a wee bit better!**

When I found out I was pregnant, i was sitting alone, ok. Wait. That was not accurate, my cat Tucker, aka the Selfish guy was present looking at me with that inquisitive feline stare as to why I was peeing on a stick. Anywho, Peeing on a stick is not exactly glamorous, nor something I talk about on a regular basis. However, when I saw that pink little plus sign, the worry began. Isn't it funny, being only 4 weeks pregnant I was already worried.

 

I remember waiting for the pool man to come home from work to tell him, because obviously you can't tell the love of your life you are "knocked" up over the phone. I would miss the look on his face. Do you see where i am going with this?

No, let me explain.

My sweet little munchkin.

These sweet little toes.

This sweet little face.

 

Was a Sur~ Prize!

So when I heard the sound of the garage door opening, I ran down stairs, heart racing, ready to tell the pool man, ready to see his face. To see how he would respond to the news. I swung the door open, "honey", I said eagerly, "yup" he said. " I have something to tell you". "Yup" he said. "I think I am pregnant." At this point I can't really remember his face because i hadn't said the words out loud yet, and well once they spewed out of my mouth it all sounded different and I felt all dizzy and light headed. "Really" he said. "Yup" I said. "K". Hmm, that is not really how I thought this would go, but I went with it. "Are you ready to go to dinner?" "Yup", he said. "k, let me go throw on my True Religion jeans, because I feel this will be the last time I ever wear them again". "K" he said with the most sincere smile I can remember to this day. I suppose you could say the pool man is not one for words. 

So the months went by, and the worry increased when I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. I hysterically cried when I found out. Why? Mostly because I was worried and well hormonal but also because when I was 14 til about 23 I suffered from Anorexia. Did I just say that out loud?

So, having Gestational Diabetes and having to watch every little thing I ate took me back to a really tormented time in my life. A time I didn't want to have to face again.

But, I did for several months. When it was time to give birth, I was induced. Those of you who have been induced know how much this stinks. That is all I have to say about that. After 36 hours of labor, and pushing and almost having to have a C-section. This precious angel was born.

And, then I became a "Certified" Worry Wart. When my son was diagnosed 4 weeks ago with Epilepsy I became a "Neurotic" Worry Wart. Watching his every move. Checking on him when he sleeps 12 maybe 15 times a night. Worrying if his medicine is making him wobbly on his feet like the doctors said it might. Wondering if he will out grow this? Worrying if it was something I did when he was a baby or when he was developing in my tummy that caused his Epilepsy. 

And then it occurred to me. Almost like when I decided that being Anorexic was not worth the worry anymore. It occurred to me that worry isn't going to solve anything.

Worrying isn't going to take this label away from my son.

Worrying only creates tension between two people who love and support each other. Being a worry wart really doesn't come with the territory of being a mother. Worry is what you allow yourself to do.

 A state of mind.

 Worry is really a waste of energy.

After all, Worry didn't make me skinny.

 

Because in the end, life is what you make it.

Life is meant to be shared, treasured, remembered, embraced. Not wasted on "endless" worry. This little surprise has changed my life in drastic ways. I have learned a lot about myself and what I am capable of because of the love of one little soul.

In life embrace the "surprises" and delete the worry that being a mother can create, believe in yourself, support one another, nurture those little souls and face the challenges one by one as they come. 

Life is what YOU make it.

 Few, that was a lot information in one post, but I feel a whole lot better now...

XOXO~

P.S. The pool man does not read my blog, he knows I spend a lot of time writing it, but he doesn't read it...I do tell him about many of you and the stories I put on here...

With that being said he has no idea he is ALL over it!

Shhhh, our little secret!

 

 

Just Curious~

Does your husband or significant other read your blog?

 

Cheers to no more jury duty!!

P.S. This has to be the shortest post ever here at blondiens.

Don't be alarmed nothing serious has happened to me...well, i don't think so anyway!

Just awaiting your comments...kisses!

Today~

I am at the courthouse serving jury duty..in my 5 inch heels...smacking on gum with my arms full of Country Living and BH&G magazines, wondering if my dog is being attacked by a baby rattlesnake and remembering something funny my co-worker said that will make me laugh out loud in my chair while I wait to be questioned on the stand about a case in which I have no idea what happened because I was too busy checking out the "hot" lawyer for the defense and have to pee.

(lost go here)

 

 This weekend I found some great treasures at a local Garage sale which quite honestly I never go to, but  I am so glad the pool man let me stop on Saturday morning because I came home these:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And a few other treasures which are now kickin' it patiently in the shoppe 'til their rightful owner comes along!

 

Wish me luck that I don't get put on a case, but better yet, that I can catch up on the stack of magazines I have piled up on my lap!

 

And, don't tell...but I didn't have to report into jury duty until 10am, which means me and the punk got to go to the bagel shack together and then check out the surfers, I mean the surf together!

 

And, if they let me go home early, I might just volunteer for next year and save them the hassle of sending out all that silly paperwork!

 

Jury duty ain't so bad after all!

 

Chat soon!

P.S.  I decided to ditch the 5" heels and wear my 16 year old Uggs today!

SOOO much more comfortable, even if the pool man doesn't think I am sexy in them!

 
 
 
 
 

Friday Musings~

 Welcome to Friday Girls!

(or Saturday or Sunday....for those of you who came late to the party!)

 

So what is up?

How was your week?

I know some of you are getting snow.....

I am actually not sure what snow is....someone enlighten me! **wink.wink**

 

We have had temps back up in the 80's.

Is this why I live in California?

Because of the weather?

 

I have successfully whined to the pool man 4 out of the 5 days this week, but remember it is still early for me as I am writing this at 7:19am on Friday, so things could go down hill quick.

I'll report back on Monday how today went...don't hold your breath.

 

I also almost lost it on Tuesday....

 

I called the pool man on my way home, as I usually do and he starts out by saying, "So", which means he is going into some sort of story, and the pool man doesn't tell stories, I knew something was coming.....

 

"I talked to our neighbor...well actually she sent me a text...."

Yeah, I said, thinking to myself, get to the point already...

 

" I guess the next door neighbor found a baby Rattlesnake at the community pool"

My heart ran up to my throat here people....

 

" And, he brought it back to the house....and well....the snake got out of the cage and he can't find it!"

 

Here is where you insert....well.... let's just put it nicely "CONCERNS" for me and my families safety.

 

I wanted to panic, I wanted to freak out....

I hate snakes...and why the **beep**did our neighbor feel the need to bring home a Rattlesnake?

Needless to say, I have been walking with my head down...thinking every time I open a door I will see a little snake slithering by...

 

I even call to check up on the dog too....yes, he is a big dog, but those snakes are nasty!

 

Anyway, moving on before I hop up on my soapbox about some of my neighbors...

 

I almost peed my pants yesterday when I went to lunch with some of my co-workers.

One of my co-workers can make me laugh like no one else...everything he does is funny to me.

I cried I was laughing so hard....

Next time we go to lunch I am so not wearing mascara and making sure I go pee first!

 

I have always wanted to be tall.

I am not asking for much here, just oh I don't know, a few more inches added on to my 5'4" frame...

I wear 5" heels to work.

It's true I do.

And, I wear boots with heels.

Everyone thinks i am tall....."long and lean" if you will.

Alas, i am short and stumpy and if we were to ever meet just know you are looking at a false advertisement.

I'm ok with it though....

 

I have call-in Jury duty today.

They call me every.single.year.

Never fails.

I am sure the people that work at the court, say to themselves oh look there is that blondiensc again, I bet she has nothing better to do then sit at the court house all day...

Let's make sure we call her every.single.year.

And, the last two years I have been chosen to sit and be questioned on the stand.

Do they know I got an A in my Speech and Debate class in college?

(please don't tell the pol man this little fact....he would be crushed...)

Do the lawyers think I am smart...or did they see me yawning in the back smacking on my gum and move me to the top of the list?

 

If you don't hear from me on Monday, I am at the courthouse..in my 5 inch heels...smacking on gum with my arms full of Country Living and BH&G magazines, wondering if my dog is being attacked by a baby rattlesnake and remembering something funny my co-worker said that will make me laugh out loud in my chair while I wait to be questioned on the stand about a case in which I have no idea what happened because I was too busy checking out the "hot" lawyer for the defense and have to pee.

 

'Til we meet again....my son does the cutest thing...he now thanks me when I change his diaper.

It goes like this, "honey lets go change your butt, you stink...."

He will retort with, uh-uh, which always gets me, why do kids like to sit in poop...?

Gag, the idea makes me want to vomit.

So we wander up stairs to do the dirty deed, and when I am putting his fresh diaper on, he will look at me, and with his baby voice say, "thank you momma, thank you"....

I am then a pile of mush on the floor....

Until the smell of his poopy diaper lingers past my nose and I am up running outside to the trash....hoping I don't step on a snake...

 

Ok, I am done, sheesh...that only took me exactly 25 minutes to write.

 

Happy weekend~

 

Muwahhh!

 

P.S. Thank you to Dandy for introducing me to " A Fine Frenzy"...which is the new song on my playlist!

Skip on over and say "Hi" to Dandy, she is Hysterical and apparently wants to be a beagle!

I don't blame her really!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Frenchie & Flea~

Is there anything in this life more sweet then a best friend duo who not only find time to travel, craft, and enjoy moments together over margaritas, but also run a successful business on Etsy !

I adore these two fantastic ladies...whose talents are out of this world amazing!

 

And, you will be happy to know that....

The Girls of Frenchie & Flea are at it again...and this time Even Bigger!

 

I think it is a perfect day for a chance to win a F&F Custom Styling!!

Yes, you read that right....

So, what are you waiting for.... pop on over to their blog for all the details!

You won't want to miss this one!

"May the force be with you"....or in other words "Good Luck"!

Cheers~

P.S. My Grandma has that saying " May the force be with you" on her license plate frame...

Strange, huh?

I know, I always thought so too...I need to ask her about that!

 

 

 

 

A Moment~

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain.

I love the sound of rain, the faint smell of must in the air and the way it makes me feel as i snuggle down in the blankets.

The baby sleeps soundly when the rain falls.

He must feel the same way as me.

As i laid in my bed for a few more minutes before the alarm went off for the 3rd time, I listened to the rain and remembered a moment in time that changed my life.

I used to live in Oceanside and work in Newport Beach, which is probably about a 40 mile distance one way.

One particular morning in January 2004, I woke up to the sound of torrential down pour.

It had been raining on and off for days and it seemed this particular morning the rain was coming down in buckets.

I dragged myself out of bed, dressed for the day with my black boots, a corduroy skirt and a black long sleeved sweater.

I threw my hair in a pony with a black ribbon tied around it.

Grabbed my purse and ran out the door and into my car, only soaking my boots thankfully.

As I drove up the hill to the gate of our neighborhood, I remembered I had left my cell phone inside the house.

The rain was still pouring down, and I thought to myself I better go back and get my phone just in case I get in an accident.

5:45am, I took off to work, down the long road that led to the freeway.

At that time in the morning not to many other folks were out on the roads.

Finally I made it to the freeway while listening to Nelly & Tim McGraw on the radio.

The rain poured down to the point my windshield wipers couldn't keep up.

I stayed in the slow lane just to be sure....

My car felt like it was floating down the freeway as if I was in a boat riding down a river.

Suddenly, out of no where my SUV hydroplaned threw a puddle and I felt my car slip on the road.

 I thought to myself, "oh no here we go".

I remember letting my foot off of the gas and holding on to the steering wheel.....

Across the freeway my car slid and slammed right into the center divide.

Flipping sideways several times smashing each side of my car.

I finally stopped.

I climbed out of the car, rain dumping down and noticed a man pulling over in front of me.

He called out to see if I was ok....and I responded, "I think so".

He proceeded to tell me he had never seen anything like that in his life....

As he talked I looked around concerned I had hit someone else as my car went through 4 lanes of traffic to the center divide.

The man informed me that I slid gracefully across the freeway and didn't hit one other car.

Miracle, I thought to myself, someone else must have been in control....as I surely wasn't.

I climbed back into my car, drenched from the rain and called my dad.

My damaged car and I sat right across from the San Onofre Power plant...the lights from the power plant helped me to see in the dark.

I sat and waited.

My best friends Christmas present which I had never dropped off had flown to the front of the car. The ornament I tied to the handle was smashed....

As the tow truck pulled up, I got out and realized how bad the damage really was. Every side of my car had some sort of large dent, scratch from the metal barricade or broken piece hanging off.

However, my air bag never deployed.

My windshield didn't shatter, nor any window in my car.

The tow truck driver said that by letting my foot off the gas and riding with the car, I probably saved my own life.

At that moment I realized that life can be taken away so quickly.

It took one moment to change the way I felt about my life.

I had a hard time driving in the rain for several years following that accident.

When my car slips in the rain, my heart drops to the floor still to this day.

But, I suppose the ironic part of this whole event, the part that sticks with me and should have been a sign that my life was spiraling down quicker then I realized, was the fact that I had called my dad to come and get me.

I didn't call my then husband at the time.

I didn't think to call him.

We were a mess.

I was a mess.

My life was a mess.....more then I realized.

My life as I knew it would never be the same after that accident.

As I laid in my bed this morning, remembering that moment....a smile crept up on my face, as I exhaled and snuggled into my bed...finding the pool man's arm to grab onto.

As this is a new moment in time.

Each day is a new day to do something better, to be someone better.

The rain reminds me of where I was, and where I never want to be again.

The rain reminds me that life is good....and I was given a second chance to be re-united with the pool man and to feel what it is like to be a mommy.

Thank goodness someone else was in control of my car that day....thank goodness I was given a second chance to live life to the fullest.

I like these moments.

A lot.

XOXO~

 

 

 

An old Farm Table~

A few weeks ago I started to search Craigslist for an old authentic farm table because truth be told I have always wanted a real farm table. As I searched and searched I finally found a listing with the most gorgeous farm table I had ever seen. I saved the listing in my favorites and kept searching but something brought me back to that ad every time.

 I decided to e-mail the owner and see if I could come and visit her table. To my surprise she e-mailed me right back. On the bottom of her e-mail was a link to a blog, this sparked my curiosity. After I told her I could swing by her house that afternoon around lunch time if she would be around,  I clicked on on her blog link .

As her blog pulled up...low and behold she had a few of my favorite blogs on her sidebar...I was intrigued. Who was this lady? Just as I was about to e-mail her back, an e-mail popped into my in- box, and it read, "Oh my goodness, I just looked at your e-mail address and I read your blog, I know who you are! Come over this afternoon if you don't mind a messy house and me in a hat!"

 I started laughing, and of course it all went down hill from there, as we are now vintage junkies bound by an old farm table. Christi, writer of the Carriage House Co blog, booth owner at Country Roads Antique Store, seller at my favorite flea market and now the former owner of an old Amazing Farm Table....which now sits in my kitchen!

This was a hard day for Christie as this table has been a part of her family for years, so when we made the deal for the table the fine print includes visiting rights, we like to call it an "open Adoption" if you will!

 I would like you to meet the newest addition to our family, our old authentic handmade farm table!

 

This beauty has some Legs on her...oh la la!

 

While at the flea market the other weekend, my BFF helped me load this gorgeous bench into the back of my SUV. Being that it is 6 foot it fits perfectly under the farm table and out of the way of on-coming traffic or in other words, wild drivers of tricycles through my kitchen!

I painted the bottom of the bench yellow, Sherwin Williams "White Raisin" to be exact and I stained the top of it to match the table and my other Craigslist find...

 My vintage cane back chair!

Now before you rush down and comment on how ugly the seat of the chair is....I am probably re-upholstering it as you read this post with a yellow and white striped fabric to match the bench. (photos coming soon!)

 

However, here is where my story takes a sad, sad turn.

I have been looking for one more cane back chair to go with my table and I really didn't think it would be hard and well, I should know better then that because nothing is that easy.

I have been to 10 stores, seriously, 10.

Carried the baby through several thrift stores in our hunt.

(Did I mention he weighs 33 pounds & I look like Wonder Woman now?)

Drove 20 miles out of my way to check a random second hand store.

And nothing.

Nada.

Zilch.

How hard can finding just one more chair really be?

 

So I am still on the hunt for one more chair to complete my set..and being that I am compulsive and obsessive my search will continue until I find that ONE perfect Chair!

If anyone has one sitting in their garage, CALL ME, e-mail me, shoot a flair in the sky, send me an SOS or better yet ship it Grey Hound Express to my front door...

Anything... please HELP me so I can stop obsessing and finally get a good nights sleep!

The last final touch of course will be adding #'s on the bench and the back of my chairs, yes I used plural because I am staying positive in my search...

Now, if you will excuse me I need to feed the baby dinner before he eats a whole bag of goldfish!

Happy Tuesday and Thank you Christi, we love our table...love love love it!

A.K.A~ your slightly crazy & chair obsessed friend!

P.S. New Etsy shoppe you must check out!